What is lost can always be found!
by xXxSecretdesirexXx
Summary: Bella's world was turned upside down when Edward left that fatal day five years ago but imagine her shock when she sees his face staring back at her from his seat in her biology class will she be able to forgive or can there past be forgotten?
1. first sight

**okay the first bit is actually taken from the book so bare with me. It does go into its own bit. I dont know what was going on in my head as I was writing this so It may be slightly confusing. So feel free to ask questions. I have the next four chapters written and they are slightly unpredictable and totally O.T.T but people who have already read it think its okay. But if you think otherwise please let me know..Enjoy..**

Edward leaned against a tree and stared at me, his expression unreadable.

"Okay, let's talk" I said. It sounded braver than it felt.

He took a deep breath.

"Bella we're leaving"

I took a deep breath, too. This was an acceptable option. I thought I was prepared. But I still had to ask.

"Why now?" Another year-"

"Bella its time. How much longer could we stay in forks after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."

His answer confused me. I thought the point of leaving was to let his family live in peace, Why did we have to leave if they were going? I stared at him, trying to understand what he meant.

He stared back coldly.

With a roll of nausea, I realized I'd misunderstood.

"When you say we-" I whispered

"I mean my family and myself." Each word separate and distinct.

I shook my head back and forth mechanically, trying to clear it. He waited without any sign of impatience. It took a few minutes before I could speak.

"Okay" I said "I'll come with you"

"You can't Bella. Where we're going. . . It's not the right place for you."

"Where you are is the right place for me"

"I'm no good for you, Bella"

"Don't be ridiculous." I wanted to sound angry, but it sounded like I was begging. "You're the very best part of my life."

" My world is not for you" He said grimly.

"What happened with Jasper- that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"

"You're right" he agreed. "It was exactly what was to be expected."

"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay-"

"As long as that was best for you" he interrupted to correct me.

"No! this is about my soul, isn't it?" I shouted, furious, the words exploded out of me- somehow it still sounded like a plea. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you- it's yours already!"

He took a deep breath and stared, unseeingly, at the ground for a long moment. His mouth twisted the tiniest bit. When he finally looked up, his eyes were different, harder- like the liquid gold had frozen solid.

" Bella, I don't want you to come with me." He spoke the words slowly and precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying.

There was a pause as I repeated the words in my head a few times, sifting through them for their real intent.

"You . . . Don't . . . want me?" I tried out the words confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order.

I always woke up at this point.

I couldn't bare to hear his next words even in my dreams, After five years apart you think I'd be used to being on my own.

When Edward had left Forks, I found a reason to leave too.

I sat up in my bed and looked around for the second time that night. It was empty as it always was, I was 23 and single ,pathetic I know but I couldn't settle for second best when I'd already had the one person I truly wanted and loved.

Two hours and Id have to work at the secondary school I thought at in Midleton in Ireland.

It was like another Forks only in a different country I couldn't go back to sun and heat.

First days are always the worst I told myself as I dressed in daze.

I picked up a blue dress that hung just above my knee and was cut rather nicely but I guess it didn't matter cause I had to wear a jacket over it.

I walked into my first class, great first class Monday morning with a group of first years. The hour flew I found myself distracted often. I wondered the halls looking for classrooms. I was like a new student here myself.

It wasn't until lunch time that I caught up with the gossip. A few teachers were talking about a new group of students who had transferred here. Three were in fifth year and two in sixth year and then I began to drift not hearing the end of the conversation.

I looked at my timetable. 2 O' clock fifth year biology I walked in late and the class turned to look at me but my eyes were already on his. Edward was sitting in the fifth row of my Biology class, I really should have paid attention.

"Hi, I'm Isabella Swan but you can call me Ms Swan. Any Questions?" The class remained silent.

"Well to all of you I'm a new teacher here , first year so take it easy on me alright?" I looked around the room.

"Ok so ye know my name what's yours? Il start here" All of a sudden names were flying at me but I really wasn't paying attention until he said his name but I chose to ignore it and focus on what I had to do.

That class went painfully slow and I never asked him a question just at the chance of being unhinged by him. I was a teacher and he was a student. Why did he have to move here? Why did he have to wreck my live again?

I was relieved I had the end of the day of. I sought out the Cullen's new address and I was of to talk to Carlisle and Esme for the first time in five years.

There house was huge well bigger than the one in Forks but just as beautiful. It took me a few minutes before I plucked up the courage to ring the door bell.

Carlisle answered the door and immediately recognize me.

"Bella?" he pulled me into a hug. What? No they had to go, I was not getting hurt again my life changed when they left.

"Carlisle" I spoke once he released me and suddenly Esme was beside him and Edward was on his other side.

"Bella its so good to see you" she spoke and hugged me. Seriously these people were seriously unwell if they thought I was happy to see them cause I wasn't. Just then Jasper walked in.

"She's going to Fucking explode if you don't let her go" Don't any of them go to school. I looked at Jasper and he winked. Oh fuck him like.

"Carlisle, Esme, I need to talk to you like right now if your not busy" I asked.

"Give us two seconds, Edward and Jasper will stay will you" Carlisle spoke.

"If you want me to come back Id be happy to, but being anywhere outside of school with him I find to be unnecessary" Everyone turned to look at me.

"Bella don't you think your being a bit harsh?" Jasper asked.

"My name is Isabella I changed it back once he left and no I fucking don't, you don't know what the past five years of my life have been like, I wake up three times a night with reoccurring Nightmares of the way he left me so no I don't think I'm being unfair and if you had any feelings which clearly some of you don't you'd see that I am right" I said all of this while looking directly at Edward.

"Isabella" Esme looked at me. "Were ready now, follow me" She waited while I caught up to her.

"Do you really think we don't have feelings?" she asked me sullenly.

"No I think some of you don't but obviously Esme you and Carlisle have feelings it obvious in the way you look after your kids and keep them safe"

She looked at me and hugged me again this time I hugged her back.

She gestured to a chair at the head of the table for me to sit. She joined Carlisle and then the rest of her family joined us.

"We don't talk without everyone being here sorry" she whispered well it sounded like a whisper.

"Fine whatever its better your all here this anyway I guess" I looked around the table my eyes rested on Edward it was easier to say what I had to say when I was looking at him and thinking about what he had done to me.

"No" Alice said before Id opened my mouth.

"Alice you have to understand, I know this isn't easy for you and I love you too but you can't just expect me to sit around and watch ye"

She sat back down at the table and looked down. Knowing everyone wanted to know what she saw and knowing Edward was the only one who had any idea of what was going on but remained silent.

"I want you to leave tonight today the sooner the better" All faces turned to look at me.

"Why?" Emmett asked probably thinking Id be happy to see them.

"Cause I fucking do okay, I compromised my life for all of you once, I'm not doing it again forget about it"

"Bella your being unfair" Emmett stated

"Really Emmett? You want to see unfair do you?" Alice's eyes looked over at me and Edward clutched the table. Emmett looked around and after a few minutes decided he wanted to know.

"Get up of your ass so and bring me to a bathroom and no Rosalie I'm not trying to seduce him just incase that's what you think!" Jasper laughed under his breath and she turned to stare at him

He took my hand and pulled me out of the room. "You walk to slow" He swung me onto his back and ran up the stairs. He didn't drop me until we were in the bathroom.

"Okay show me" I began to lift up my dress and his hands stopped me..

"What are you doing?" I laughed

"Showing you obviously I told you I'm not seducing you"

My hands went to my dress and I lifted it up over my head so he was looking at the back of me until I decided to turn around.

" Nice panties" He stated and I realised I was wearing black lace briefs with pink embroidery. God knows why.

"Victoria secrets" I laughed and then I turned around and he let a gasp escape his lips. Then I heard Alice scream.

"Bella what did you do to yourself?" Emmett asked as he appraised the Scars on my stomach.

I pointed to the longest one which was also the oldest.

"I did this the night he left, seeing my blood leave me was the only thing I had to remind me why he left and I hated it. This one" I pointed to just under my breast "the first nightmare I had" and it continued on like this for about ten minutes as Emmett went through every scar I had given myself over his brother.

"Why put yourself through this?" Emmett asked

"Well it was that or kill myself and I was stronger than to kill myself I just harmed myself and hated the fact that my blood the thing that kept me living was the one thing I hated as it had taken him away from me." I couldn't hear what was happening outside the door of the bathroom but I knew Edward was there and Alice I wasn't sure about the rest.

"I'm sorry" He whispered.

"Its wasn't your fault, how were you to know?" I wrapped my hands around his waist and hugged him.

I walked out of the bathroom to find all of the family standing there and Edward was at the head of the group.

"Why?" He asked.

"you were listening you know why" I went to leave but cool fingers caught my wrist.

"Isabella!" Carlisle eyes were looking into mine. "Yes" I answered I owed Carlisle a lot and so I would wait to hear what he said.

"Were not leaving I can't, I'm hear to protect humans who know about vampires from the Volturi and you can see why I chose you." I looked at him.

"Your point being, you can't leave but he can" I pointed to Edward.

"Yes Bella he can but he won't he left once, twice would definitely kill him"

"Carlisle if you wont leave I will, I don't need a freaking babysitter, Five years Carlisle, I recall being promised peace without reminders well what the fuck do you call this?" I said looking at each and every single one of them.

"Isabella we cant leave it's a simple concept where you go we go" I looked at him.

"Fine, but stay out of my way Edward, Carlisle Esme thanks for having me and Emmett Alice has already seen them and Edward may have caught glimpses but you speak to know one about what you saw promise" I asked.

"Promise, it's the one thing I can do after you went through that" Then a thought occurred me I could kill myself it would be easy and no-one could stop me, then I wouldn't have to deal with them and they could leave. Alice looked at me as did Edward.

" Isabella Swan don't you dare! I will be watching your house personally, now you even though of that and when I cant do it someone else will" she warned.

I left then aware someone was following me but I didn't even have to look to know it was Edward.

"Bella look at me please" He asked.

" My names Isabella, only one person can call me Bella and to me he died along time ago Edward, and when he left I died too. I can't look at you I refused to be that weak girl who used to believe everything you told me like when you said you loved me and then you up and left I can't handle the though of that again." I got in my car and drove away aware that someone was watching me from the bushes but I didn't hide my tears why bother. It didn't change anything.

I woke the next morning to find Alice sitting on my window sill staring at me. "Morning Alice" I called.

"Morning"

"You know you could leave now and let me get dressed in peace"

"I am letting you get dressed in peace, Edwards on duty next" A smile placed on the corner of her lips.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me, I have to teach him even tough he knows more than me, he's like a freaking stalker" I ranted and Alice was now laughing uncontrollably.

"Isabella, give him a break he's trying. Oh and can I please call you Bella?"

" Fine but don't tell Edward he'll think he has permission to say it too when he does not." She laughed again.

I went to my bathroom and showered quickly. I knew I was skinnier than the last time they had seen me. I also knew my breasts were three sizes bigger so Edward better not be watching me sleep as my nightdress was all to revealing.

After about ten minutes I walked back to my room to find an outfit had been picked for me. I decided Id wear it I had nothing against Alice just her asshole of a brother.

I took note of when she left and when Edward arrived so Id know to be dressed by this time for future references. He walked in like it was his own home and sat in my chair of all of them hed pick my chair. Probably on Purpose I though to myself.

"Get out Edward" I said no need to strain my voice.

"No"

"Edward Cullen get out of my house now or I swear Il scream RAPE at the top of my lungs"

Loud laughter filled the room.

"Isabella do you really think Id let that happen really?"

"Oh whatever I'm going to be late" I picked up my bag and walked out the door aware that he was following me.

"You cannot arrive to school with me, so back the fuck off"

"I wont be with you if you haven't noticed Jasper is right there"

"Morning Jasper, how was your Night?" I asked simply to piss Edward of.

"Well Alice wasn't there and Edward was moaning and You made Esme depressed which made Carlisle depressed and Rosalie was bitching so I ended up hanging out with Emmett. We watched some movie cant even remember what it was called pure rubbish and then we went wrestling were Edward joined it and beat Emmett but me and him called a tie, like always."

"Nice, Is Alice always on Night duty?"

"No It's my turn tonight. Why?"

"New pyjamas that's all" Both of them started laughing.

"Isabella Edwards seen you naked before"

"Yes he has, when I was fatter and had a flat chest and now I'm skinny and have a chest which is clearly visible through my Nightdress so Yes a new pyjamas is definitely a must."

"Yes but why get it today? Its just a waste of money, your bound to have a shirt that will cover you up"

"Eh no, All my clothes are rather slutty, why have a chest and not show it off, I am not wearing my work clothes to bed either so don't suggest it"

"Okay Calm down."

" Hey Jasper I've a brilliant idea. I know it's a Tuesday and we've school in the morning but do you want to go out tonight, Il show you where I used to work but keep it to yourself"

"Fine whatever, but if you end up with a hangover entirely your own fault." he laughed

"You seriously under estimate me! Jasper be there for eight and Edward Il see you in Biology.

**so what do you think????... Good?Bad? maybe even terrible???**

**REVIEW please it makes my day to know what you think....**

**Love ya **

**Jen xxxx**


	2. Secrets

**Okay I have a feeling this is moving too fast so inform me if it is.. I am currently looking for a Beta due to people mentioning it too me. So if your interested in doing it and getting to read it before everyone else say it in a review or P.M me and I'll get back to you as soon as possible....**

CHAPTER TWO.

I started with my make-up which I could now apply flawlessly and then I did my hair it loose curls that hung delicately around my face.

Now the outfit that was the hard part, I knew what was to be expected, I had worked there not that I told anyone freely it did nothing to say I had worked in a strip club, but I needed a laugh what with the eventful day I had yesterday, winding down was definitely on the agenda.

In the end I settled for a short black skirt and a shirt that I tied just below my bust. I had to apply make-up to the scars but that didn't bother me much. I wore black boots up to my knees, I looked like a hooker but it was okay where I was going.

Jasper arrived exactly at eight followed by Emmett and Edward. I stood there and immediately covered my stomach with my hands.

"Edward out, Emmett you can come you'll find it amusing and Jasper when I invite you I don't mean the entire posse of Cullen brothers."

"How come Emmett can go and I cant?" Edward asked slightly irritated.

"Because Emmett's fun and Jasper is Jasper and your Edward fucking holier than holy Cullen, Now leave and get over the fact that you aren't going"

Edward looked at Emmett who muttered something to each other and then he left just like that.

"Emmett I swear if he turns up I'm blaming you"

"Where are we going?" Emmett asked for like the tenth time.

"Secrets" I replied the first time I actually decided to acknowledge the question.

"Secrets" He repeated.

"I've heard of that place, Isabella you didn't, you weren't?"

"Weren't what?" Jasper asked missing out.

"A stripper" I filled in and both guys looked at me.

"Know way?" Jasper asked

"Yes way, I needed the money and it's good exercise" I gestured to my body that was now well toned.

"Oh god, Edwards going to flip" Jasper stated.

"Well I told you not to bring anyone and you bring him"

" Bella you invited me in front of him of course he would follow us" Jasper said blatantly.

"We can go somewhere else if you want?" I asked

"No this is going to be interesting" Emmett said from the back of the car.

"Haha Emmett, ah whatever, he left I did what I had to, if he has a problem its his own fault."

We sat in silence for five minutes.

"Okay there it is, and Jasper you look gay ditch the scarf" Emmett laughed.

I held Emmett's hand as we walked in. I spotted Stacey immediately she was on the bar. She got down and pulled out the fog horn.

"Hey everybody Kris is back" The crowd turned to look at me and clapped.

"Kris?" Emmett and Jasper asked.

"Well I was hardly going to use my own name"

"So who wants to see her do her thing?" Stacey asked

"Stacey no"

"please"

"Ah whatever"

She pressed a button under the bar and the pole came down, great performing for Edwards brothers.

_Yall gonna make me lose my mind up in here_

_Up in here_

_Yall gonna make me act the fool up in here _

_Up in here_

She remembered my song. I got up the bar and started swinging my hips back and forth.

Then my hands when to the buttons on my shirt.

I undid them slowly and then undid the knot at the end of the shirt to reveal my blacksilk bra that cupped my breasts nicely.

I could see Jasper and Emmett at the back of the room with there mouths open.

I walked over to the pole and let my legs wrap around it and I bent backwards so my hands were behind my head resting on the bar.

I pulled myself back up after a few moments. I let my hands brush over my body.

I loved knowing that all eyes were in me.

I stood up and undid the zip that was keeping my skirt up and walked around the bar as if I owed it and at this precise moment I did.

My hips swayed and I dipped my body. Giving good views to everybody who was watching.

I was aware that Jasper and Emmett weren't blinking and from the looks of things they weren't breathing.

Then I decided that was enough they were not going to see me naked.

"Stacey that's enough I called over to her" she turned of the music and then the clapping began.

I jumped of the Bar grabbing my clothes as I went.

I had my skirt back on by the time I reached Emmett.

Then I saw who Jasper was talking to.

Fuck! Ah well I guess its better he knew. I put on my shirt and walked over holding Emmett's hand.

"So what did you think?" I asked all three.

"Brilliant" Jasper and Emmett replied in synchronization.

"Edward?" I asked.

"Well I think that you lowered your standards when agreeing to this job"

"That's not what I asked"

"You looked good, like you were happy"

"Em Isabella I have a favour to ask! Il pay you as well." Jasper asked.

"What and by the way call me Bella Isabella makes me sound snobby! Edward Its still Isabella to you"

"I want you to teach Alice how to do that!"

"Ditto" Emmett said.

"Em Alice I can handle, Rosalie could fucking kill me and as well spending time in your house is not high on my to- do list"

"Please" both said in unison.

"Fine but talk to them first and you have to get the poles I have one in my house but Alice and Rosalie might need ones not so breakable" Both laughed.

"Your seriously going to teach my sisters how to pole dance?" Edward asked.

"Well I am a teacher! I'm going to get a drink" I needed to get away from him, he knew what he could do to me, but I was stronger than that now I was no longer 17.

I walked back moments later and all three were huddled in a corner.

"Okay your at a club filled with girls in skimpy clothing and your standing in a corner your screaming GAY at everyone, Come dance with me, all of you" I was being nice

"Il look like a slut but ah well I've the three best looking men in here with me"

" We all cant dance with you" Jasper stated

"Yeah you can" I took Edwards hands and placed them on my waist.

"Don't get use to that" I whispered and then I took Emmett and Jaspers hand in mine and made my way to the dance floor.

I moved in and around them as they found there own rhythm that I accustomed myself to.

"Bella" Stacey called from behind me.

"Yeah"

"Can I dance with your blonde friend?"

"I'll ask him don't know if he'll be open to it"

"Jasper will you dance with Stacey for awhile?" I winked

"Sure" then he twisted away and began to change his rhythm to suit her, you could tell he wasn't enjoying it but she didn't notice like.

I danced with Edward and Emmett for hours and then I decided I was tried and wanted to go home. Nobody protested.

"Bella is it okay if Edward brings you home?" I was half asleep so I really didn't give a shit.

"Yeah, yeah see you tomorrow" I climbed into the passenger seat and handed him the keys.

I rested my head against the head rest and enjoyed the silent trip home. I knew he had something to say. I just didn't know what it was.

I walked in and changed aware he was watching me. I removed the make-up from my stomach and I heard his breath catch. I looked up at him.

"Say it Edward".

"I'm sorry I didn't know what my leaving would do to you"

"Edward you knew I loved you, you knew I needed you and still you chose to leave, what did you expect? Me to go back to the way my life was before I met you. Maybe start a thing with Mike or Jacob it wasn't going to happen I already had perfection and you took that away from me you wrecked me, Look no man wants a girl who did that to herself over another man and I cant forgive you at least not yet Edward." the tears were flowing freely down my face but I didn't care. He had seen me like this before.

"Isabella your still beautiful, your wrong men do want you a lot of them"

"You don't get it, I don't want them, I wanted you, I'm fucking 23 and your 17 its disgusting and more than anything it shocks me that I still fucking want it."

"You can have it" He stated simply.

"I cant cause there's always that chance that you'll leave again, I cant trust you, I can't rely on you to be there and now I'm your teacher which is also sickening, I was supposed to Fucking marry you, I had my life planned with you. I picked a dress and I bought it when you left as a reminder of what Id never have" I was so angry but he wrapped his arms around me and cradled me to his chest.

"Can I see it?" He asked

"What?"

"The dress the one you picked and I'll show you the one I had bought for you"

"You bought me a dress?" I asked shocked

"Yes before we left and when I was certain I'd marry you"

I left go of him to retrieve the box I stored the dress in.

I walked over and let him open it.

It was white simple delicate, there was a low back cut in to it that had diamantes on the outer edges but the front was plain and elegant.

"Put it on please" He asked.

"I don't know if it will fit, I was 17"

"Please" was all he said.

I walked over and took the dress from his hand and turned to put it on.

I was ready five minutes later and it did fit and it looked better than before now I actually had a body underneath it.

I admired myself in the mirror and I could see Edward looking at me in the background. I turned to look at him.

"What do you think?" I asked not sure of what he would say.

"I think your gorgeous now come with me" He held out his hand.

"Il just change" I said.

"No don't" he took my hand and swung me on to my back and then he was running.

We reached his house sooner than I thought possible, I was surprised to see all of the Cullen's standing in the foyer.

"Why is Bella in a wedding dress?" Rosalie asked.

"There not married, chill rose, he's just showing her something" Alice answered.

"You look beautiful by the way" Alice looked at me and through to him and I turned to see a smile on his lips.

"Come on I want to show you."

He brought me to his room it was decorated differently but it still maintained the Cds and Books but surprisingly there was pictures of me around the room. There was a huge bed in the room to and It looked like it belonged there and that he actually used it.

"Two seconds" he walked away and moments later came back with a garment bag and handed it to me.

I undid the zip and was shocked to see the exact same dress I had on in the bag.

"I saw it and though of you and so I bought it." He smiled.

I was speechless.

"This has to mean something doesn't it?" he asked not knowing what I was thinking.

"I guess it meant we were right for each other once I don't know if the same thing still applies"

I left the room to find all the Cullen's still downstairs.

"Emmett can you bring me home?" He nodded and we left.

I didn't stop crying from the moment I left there house.

"Bella what's wrong?" Emmett asked as soon as I was sitting on my bed.

"I love him" I sobbed and Emmett planted himself down beside me.

"That's a bad thing?" He asked.

"Emmett I'm fucking 23 and he's 17 and he's my student. He left me once he can always do it again"

"Bella you don't look 23 and I highly doubt you and him care about that. Your worried he'll hurt you.

Trust me, he won't"

"How do you know that?" I asked.

"Bella Edward has had Alice keep an eye on you since we left but she didn't see everything, when you showed me your scars that's why she screamed she was suppose to look out for you, Edward was always coming back, I though it would have been sooner what with the way he behaved. He saw you being strong and he wanted to do the same."

The tears were flowing again.

"Emmett Il talk to you tomorrow, thank you"

I fell asleep then in the dress.

I woke the next morning feeling groggy and tired. I was definitely pulling a sickie.

I rang the school and told then I wouldn't be in until next week. Lorraine was worried and hoped Id get better soon. she wasn't the only one.

"I knew you would have a hangover" Jasper said from the other side of the room.

"I do not have a hangover, I'm just extremely tired and fed up and contemplating giving up teaching"

"Why?"

"Cause its boring and your brother is a student where I teach, okay its not boring its all about your brother your stupid retarded brother" Jasper smiled as if he knew this was coming.

I threw the quilt back over my head and waited for sleep to consume me, but unfortunately it didn't as I was aware of Jasper watching me from the window.

"Just cause I'm taking the day of doesn't mean you are to!" I moaned from under the sheets.

"Actually it does" Edward's voice answered me

"Oh God, do you ever go away?" I moaned into my duvet.

I didn't hear him move but suddenly he was looking me straight in the eyes.

"No" he breathed into my face.

I desperately felt the urge to kiss him, his lips were so close to mine and his scent. I don't know how I managed to survive 1 day let alone 1,825 without it. I felt all the things I told myself not to feel coming back to me. I knew I loved him but I couldn't trust him. I pulled my head back into the pillow to fully look at him.

He was still the same but his eyes had changed become duller. No longer full of life they resemble my own.

"Edward?" I mumbled.

"Yes" he responded just loud enough that Id hear.

"Let me up, I need a human minute" He looked at me and then got up.

I went to the bathroom and got dressed quickly wearing my everyday cloths I wore tight jeans and a top that reached just above my navel. I didn't look 23 why dress like it? As well I needed to look like a teenager just for today.

"Edward can we go to your house Please?" he nodded.

"Can I ask why you want to go to my house?" he asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Well I assume your going to be around for awhile and I need to apologize to Esme about what I said about some of you not having feelings and I need to talk to Carlisle about something"

"Can I ask what?" He asked.

"You'll find out I'm sure he will tell you if I decide not to"

I looked at him and he looked away.

We didn't talk on the way there. Edward drove his new Volvo with precision. I often wondered why he drove a Volvo, I knew they were expensive but there's much nicer cars out there. Now that he moved here why stick to the same make of car. Maybe it was his thing like pig-headiness was Rosalie's.

"What are you thinking?" He asked after a moment and I realized I was staring at him.

"Nothing" I knew this would piss him of but honestly I didn't care.

"Isabella tell me" he ordered and I felt the need to answer him but I let the silence linger longer than I should. I could see his hands clutch the wheel.

"Well first I was wondering why you still drive a Volvo and now I think you have an anger problem when it comes to me not acknowledging you" He smiled.

"Well aren't you perceptive and I drive a Volvo cause it's the first car I ever bought and learnt to drive. I know I could have any car I wanted and trust me I have a collection but I like this car its good for everyday use." he smiled. I hadn't realized it but we were parked outside his house now.

I walked in and was surprised to see all the Cullen's watching television. Okay they were definitely going to get kicked out of school at this rate and then I realized it was actually sunny outside.

"Esme" she was immediately at my side.

" I'm sorry if what I said the other day upset you I didn't mean it" She hugged me. "Bella it's okay really!"

I hugged her again and then my eyes wandered to find Carlisle but he wasn't there. I looked at Edward but he was deep in conversation with Jasper.

"Esme where's Carlisle?" I asked I really needed to talk to him.

"work" she responded.

"I really need to speak to him, like urgently. Can I borrow your car? Il be back in about an hour. Pretend to come with me and don't tell Edward please" I looked At Edward to see if he was paying attention to mine and Esme conversation. It seem like he wasn't

"Bella what's wrong?"

"I don't know can we please just go?"

"Of course dear"

We left together and then she gestured to her car, it was a Jaguar that I knew I really shouldn't be driving but Esme trusted me enough to let me drive it and I was grateful.

I drove to the hospital faster than I should of but I needed to know. I found it that morning when Edward was with me but I couldn't freak out I'd have to wait Carlisle would help me.

I walked in and scanned the area quickly but I couldn't see him.

I walked up to the desk and asked the receptionist where I could find him.

"Hun, he's on break"

"Can you page him or something, its really urgent" Just then Carlisle walked in. I was so grateful.

"Roisin I'll take it from hear" he smiled and she was immediately dazzled I now knew where Edward got that from.

"Bella what can I do for you?" he asked once we'd reach an empty room.

"Well this morning I was in my bathroom and I noticed a lump on my left breast and I think it might be Cancer, so can you like check or something?" I was surprise at how calm I was being.

"Bella, it might not be Cancer but I'm glad you felt you could come to me. I'll just take a sample from your breast it might hurt but it will be okay" He pulled out this skewer thing and stuck it into me. It hurt but I'd had worst.

"Bella did you tell Edward?" he asked after he had done some Doctors thing with the sample. It looked weird so I didn't ask.

"No" I simply stated

"I can't keep this from him Bella, if this is Cancer there's a chance of death but it's unlikely it's Cancer your only 23 so stay calm. I'm going to be your doctor obviously and I'll rush these tests so you'll know by no later than tomorrow."

"Oh and Bella you should tell Edward you were here, even if it's not Cancer it could still be bad and you might not love him anymore but you should tell him anyway. I really don't want to out you"

I smiled

"I'll tell him tonight just give me that much time to think what to say. Carlisle I'll always love him just don't tell him you know that" I walked away wondering what would happen to me if this was Cancer, would I even live that long?

Maybe I didn't have to kill myself, maybe this would kill me instead. I was crying now. I didn't go Back to his house. Instead I sat on a bench in the park and cradled my knees and let the tears run down my face.

**see I thinks it's moving to fast so say it if it is.. opinions wanted oh and if you have Ideas for future chapters let me know.. **

**Love ya Jenxxx**


	3. Matthew

**hey sorry this chapter is shorter than the other two, I havent found a beta yet as I looking for at least two different people to read it as i want different perspectives like. . . Haha 18 reviews whoop, its brilliant like haha well enjoy ... jen**

CHAPTER 3

I didn't realize how late it had gotten until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I had been sitting there thinking over all the things I had survived in my life.

Losing Edward was the main thing I didn't no how many times I'd come close to losing that battle but each time I found a reason to take myself out of whatever depression I had gotten myself into.

Whether it be that Charlie needed me or Jacob but I always had the nagging suspicion that It was that I had promised Edward that I would take care of myself and keep myself safe.

"Are you okay miss?" A voice pulled me from my thoughts. I looked up from my knees to see a man who appeared to be in his twenties looking at me.. He was gorgeous, nothing compared to Edward but gorgeous in his own unique way. He was tall and blonde and had deep blue eyes that I felt myself get lost in.

"Not really no" I scooted over allowing space beside me from him to occupy. He noticed this silent gesture and took a seat beside me.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked in this rather soothing voice that I could feel myself melt too but not the way I melted when Edward spoke this was something else, Comfort was the conclusion I came to before I answer his question as I was already taking to long and I'd rather not be branded Crazy.

"Not really, I'm not even sure it's an issue yet just a possibility it is kinda scary" I admitted.

"My names Bella by the way what's yours?" I asked as he was still looking at me.

"Matthew, do you want to go somewhere? You look kinda cold" I didn't realise how cold it was until I shivered violently.

"Sure, where do you have in mind?" He was nice, I didn't no much about him but this much I could tell. I was also aware that any where was better than where I was. As all that was going through my head was the possibility of cancer but now I felt at ease that Matthew could provide a distraction from my life.

"We can go to my house. Follow me in your car" I looked at the Jag and knew Esme wouldn't be happy but I had bigger concerns, more important that a car at any rate and Carlisle would tell her what was going on when I didn't show up that was if he hadn't already.

I got up and walked over to the Jag and he got in the car parked beside mine. It was a Mercedes. I noticed now for the first time that his clothes hinted at designer origins but a persons clothes didn't define the person they were.

I followed him for approximately ten minutes until we arrived at this house, castle, mansion to be honest I wasn't sure what to call it but it was huge bigger than the Cullen's and that meant something.

WOW!!! Was all I could think. He had to live with his parents, I mean nobody needed a house this big unless he was married. I hadn't noticed a ring then again I wasn't paying much attention as my problems seem more important to me that some guy who was attempting to comfort me.

After a moment the front gate opened and I drove in behind him. The garden was huge you could probably build another house just in that space. I stopped again just behind him. He opened my door and let me out.

I stepped out gracefully, I had managed that skill over the years and even learned how to do it in heels.

"WOW" I said once I was sure he was paying attention. Again my eyes wandered over the house.

"You live with your parents?" I asked

He looked at me funny "Em no"

"Your wife?" I asked at he presented me with his hands.

"Again no"

"Why do you live in a house this big so?" I asked.

"Because I can, Are you coming in or standing in the cold?"

"Coming in" I smiled as a shiver shot through me for the second time.

The interior was just as stunning as the exterior. I walked through the foyer until he brought me through to the kitchen.

"You want a drink?" I looked back to him aware that I was scrutinizing his house.

"Sure, what have you got?"

"Everything from cocktails to coffee to water"

"Em can I have a hot chocolate so" he looked at me and then beckoned some maid to get the two hot chocolates.

"Bella what age are you?" he asked after a moments silence. That was an odd question. I mean I wasn't old looking was I?

"23"

"You don't look it, you look like a teenager" I smiled that was the plan I guess.

"That's a good thing isn't it, why what age are you?" I asked.

"21"

"You have got to be kidding, your 21 and you live here by yourself, okay personal question if you don't mind. What do you do really?" I realised I had cut him off guard I went to apologize but he shot across me.

"Well currently I'm studying to be a professor of Biology in U.C.C yourself"

" Science teacher in Midleton college" I smiled again. Still trying to figure out how he owed this house. I mean he was only 21.

"Let me guess your wondering how I own this house?" He asked. What was he a mind reader, I thought Edward was the only person, Vampire I corrected myself who could that.

"Well yes"

"Most people do, you see my parents died this was the house they occupied here in Ireland they have a few others in different countries but this is my favourite. They left everything to me, the houses the cars the money, the jewellery etc"

"Oh I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked"

"Don't worry, it happened along time ago" Just then a woman walked in with our drinks, she looked at me and nodded. He must bring girls home often I thought to myself.

"So what about you?"

"What about me?"

"What were the waterworks about earlier and can I asked why your dressed like that?"

"Waterworks hmm I guess I can tell you it has something to do with my health but after that I'm lost and I'm dress like this cause its comfortable I guess and I look good don't you think?"

"Yes you do" I saw a look in his eyes and I recognised it as lust.

I got up of my chair as I was aware he was still standing. I didn't really know what I was doing but I had watched enough movies to get the basic Idea. Don't get me wrong I wasn't a virgin it was just you could say I was out of practice.

I took his hand in mine. I knew I shouldn't do it, but I was confused and I needed this. He looked at me and I leaned up and kissed him. He kissed me back with a longing Passion. I didn't dare break the kiss. It was passionate and soothing and It was making me forget.

He pulled away when the need for breath became too much.

"Bella. We shouldn't do this here?" he whispered.

"Well where would be more appropriate" I asked courage evident in my voice.

He took my hand and lead me up a flight of stairs and through a set of double doors in to a room that was so beautiful. I saw that the bed was definitely the centre piece it was huge. He pulled me back into his arms and kissed me again. This time slower but with just as much passion.

He was no Edward but he'd do.

I felt myself stumble backwards and I knew we were heading towards the bed without looking. I pulled away.

"I have to tell you something first actually it's more I have to show you" He looked at me concerned. I pulled of my shirt so he could see the scars.

"What happen?"

"Long story short broken heart and it was the only way I felt better"

"Ah Bella. You poor girl, I'm sorry"

"Don't be, you still want to do this?" I asked it wasn't fair to expect him to still want me when I was ugly.

"Of course your still beautiful" I had never heard any one say that except Edward. I always wanted to believe him but I always taught he felt obliged to say I was beautiful this man didn't and he still though it so maybe it was true.

I kissed him again and his hands wandered over my stomach and down my back. My hands went to work on his shirt. I undid the buttons in record time. I pushed it back and down his arms. He shivered slightly as I trailed my fingers up his spine. I felt his hands go to the clasp on my bra and he undid it and threw it of me in one quick movement. I looked at his chest. He was well toned and had a six pack that I was more than willing to admire. His hand cupped my breast and he fondled my left nipple while he pulled the other into his mouth.

I let out a low moan and his lips formed a smile around my nipple. I was more than happy here. He began trailing butterfly kisses down my stomach. I placed my hands in his hair and pulled him back up to me. I kissed his mouth again. I felt his hands go to the button of my pants and I wriggled my legs allowing them to slide down my legs. I was glad I hadn't worn underwear.

I decided if I was naked he might as well be too. I undid the button of his pants and shoved his pants and his boxers down. I ended up on my knees in front of him. His penis was long and hard in front of me. In one quick movement I had all of him in my mouth. His hands went to my hair and pushed me in and out at a suitable speed.

"Bella" he moaned but I just kept going until he came in my mouth. I swallowed without hesitation. Then I got up from my position and licked my lips.

"That was sexy" a smirk spread across his face.

His breathing was still laboured but it didn't stopped him. He caught my lips with his and then began to suck on my neck. I fell back onto the bed.

"That's right Bella" I couldn't stop the moans that were escaping my lips.

Before I knew it. His finger pushed into me making me wriggle beneath him.

"Bella your so wet" He took his finger out and suck my wetness off him. I had no idea that could be so erotic.

"Fuck me" I moaned after a second. A smile spread to his face.

He pushed open my legs and position himself at my entrance then ramped into me so hard I could feel his balls again my clit.

"Don't stop" I moaned and he got faster making my moans louder.

"MATTHEW" I screamed and he knew that I was going to come.

My body began to quiver and I needed release. He thrust another three times and we both came together.

He collapsed on top of me then and held me in his arms. After an immeasurable moment of time, I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

When I awoke in the morning, I regretted it like I thought I would, but Matthew was nice and handsome.

"Bella you awake?" his voice drifted into the room.

"Yes" I replied hopefully loud enough so that he'd here.

"I'm in the kitchen its downstairs" I got dressed in a haze and went downstairs to find him cooking.

"How'd you sleep?" I looked at the clock to see it was twelve in the afternoon.

"Good, you?"

"Very well, I hope you like pancakes" His smile spread on his face. we ate in silence. I washed up and he dried, it felt like routine. Something Safe and familiar.

"I best be going" I said when we were finished.

"Here" He handed me a slip of paper and kissed my cheek.

"Do call" He smiled. I left his house and made my way back to the Cullen's.

**so what do you think like??...**

**REVIEW PLEASE**

**love ya **

**jen xx**


	4. thank you

**okay so i am still looking for a beta and if you want to do it please state that it is for this stroy as I amalso looking for a bets for another one of my stories. Enjoy**

Chapter 4

Fuck! Shit! I was so dead. I had no idea who had been watching me last night. I mean they were once my family having them watch me with another man was probably some kind of weird incest perverse act.

God that was the big issue but I still had Esme's car and now I just slept with some random guy in front of either one of her sons or one of her daughters. I might as well just shoot myself now and then I not need worry about the cancer at all.

"Esme" I called once I reached the drive way she was waiting for me in the garage.

"I'm so sorry but I swear there's not a scratch on it. I promise" I looked away ashamed if what I had done and why I had not returned the car last night.

"Oh Bella, It's not the car I'm worried about. Are you alright?" she asked looking as if she was about to cry although clearly that wasn't possible. I knew Carlisle would have told her.

"I'm fine Esme who was watching me last night until around twelve?" I asked. This question threw her momentarily. Don't say Edward please don't say Edward. I silently prayed.

"Edward of course" Fuck and then I fainted. My eyes closed and I had visions if him watching me fuck some man I had met a few minutes before. God he had seen me have sex with Matthew.

I didn't no how long I was out for but I could hear voices. Alice's was the loudest and closest to my ear.

"She can hear us now" Oh god that meant I should open my eyes and face all the questions that were more than likely to bombard me.

"Is Edward here?" I asked in a weak voice keeping my eyes shut.

"Yes" his voice answered me and I opened my eyes and made to get up.

"I want to go home now please" I didn't want to discuss my sex life in front of them.

"Edward you can take me, Oh Carlisle did you tell them?" I asked hoping he had.

"Just Esme and of course Alice already knows." He smiled and then looked away.

"Tell them what?" Edward asked into the hollow of my neck.

"I'll tell you when we get to my place and don't interfere when I'm speaking you have a habit of doing that." He chuckled.

"Not funny Edward" he laughed harder.

I reached my house before five minutes had gone. I missed the excitement of running with Edward, now to brace myself for the worst.

"You saw me last night?" My eyes closed as I awaited an answer.

"Yes"

"And?" Where was the anger the rage? All the things I was preparing myself for but they never came.

"Bella you're a different person, it hurt and of course I didn't watch it all that would be perverse and rather disgusting. It's understandable if you've moved on and out grown me. I never expected you just to sit around and wait for me." He eyes moved around my apartment as he confessed this like it was a murder confession.

"Edward, I haven't out grown you, it's just yesterday was a bad day. I had to go see Carlisle in the hospital because I think I might have Cancer" A tear slid down my cheek but I did nothing to hide it. I was aware Edward wrapped his arms around me but he didn't interrupt.

"I don't know why I slept with Matthew I guess I needed someone to love me and make me feel good about myself and I didn't think it would be appropriate if I ran to you"

"Why?" It was the only word that escaped his lips as he looked at me.

"Edward It's been five years, you were my protector then, well you still are now but that's not the point I guess I don't want to be hurt, If I have Cancer and then you decided to leave again how would I cope?"

" Bella you really don't think Id actually be able to leave again do you? It's an impossibility both you and I know that, why won't you except it?" He looked truly upset but I couldn't answer him as I would turn back in to the weak 17 year old Bella who's life depended on every word he spoke.

I knew I was being immature but I couldn't help it.

"Are you going to answer me?" He whispered after a moment.

"No" I mumbled

"Please just tell me why you wont except that I'm hear to stay, I mean I know your slightly reserved but please tell me" He pleaded.

"Edward I cant except it because I excepted it once before and look where that brought me. Here alone and willing to have sex with strangers when I'm upset and please know that I don't blame you for it. I just wish it was different and not so hard to be around you" I smiled slightly and looked away. I knew he saw the weakness in me. He had always been able to see through my expressions.

I was aware he loved me and I loved him but I still couldn't get my head around it. I couldn't bring myself to trust him yet I craved his company, his touch, his crooked smile, his velvet soft voice. But most of all I craved the way we used to be.

"Bella" he called me from my reverie.

"Yes?"

"Do you trust me?" he looked into my eyes for the briefest of seconds. I didn't no what to say so I answered honestly.

"No Edward, I'm sorry" I turned away and began to cry until his hands wrapped around my waist which sent shivers up my spine.

"It's okay, I guess I'll prove it with time" He reassured but it wasn't alright. I was a slutty whore who still ran to him. I picked up the phone from the counter.

"Midleton College, Lorraine speaking how can I help you?" The familiar voice chimed down the line.

"Lorraine, Bella Swan here, I'm going to have to resign as it has come to my attention I might have breast Cancer" I heard a quiet inhale of Breath from her as I said the words.

"Could you apologize to Mr o Connell for me?"

"Of course Bella, I'm so sorry to here about your illness."

"Thank you" With that I hung up the phone and began packing my stuff.

Just then Edwards phone rang. Alice I forgot about her.

"Alice" I heard buzzing coming from the speaker.

"She is not going anywhere Alice, I'm right here with her" another round of buzzing came from the speaker.

"Okay Alice, Il see you in two oh and Jasper" He smiled and hung up the phone. I continued packing every now and then Edward would find something that was his and say I wondered where this went.

I had found all his stuff under my floor boards when I decided to leave. I was packing and I tripped over the lip of a loose floorboard and there it was all his stuff. The plane tickets, the photo, and a few items of clothing that hadn't seen the light off day since they arrived here.

There was a slight wrap on my door before I could even turn in the direction Alice and Jasper had let themselves in.

"Bella where exactly are you going?" Alice asked.

"If I knew that you'd know" I snapped at her and Edward let a chuckle escape his lips. Alice turned to look at him but I continued packing.

Then the decision came to me. Italy, they couldn't follow me there. Both Edward Alice and Jasper turned to look at me.

" Are you mental?" Alice and Edward shouted at me and Jasper looked like he was going to collapse from an emotion overload.

"No more than usual" I smiled and both looked like they were about to kill me.

"Bella" It was jasper who had called my name.

I turned to face him.

"Yes?" I replied looking weary.

"I know what your feeling don't forget that and I am not thinking about your emotions so Edward doesn't know" I looked at Edward and Alice who looked confused.

"Your point Jasper?" I wasn't in the mood for this. I wasn't going to change my future, it was just coming to me quicker than I had thought it would.

"Bella, you'll hurt him, he may have hurt you before but really do you think this will help?"

"I'm just not into prolonging the inevitable Jasper" Alice and Edward had caught on by now but remained silent.

"Bella you don't know that you have Cancer yet and you might not even die maybe lose a breast but I have know doubt that you will survive the cancer if it comes to it"

" Jasper I love you all of you but I have spoken to Carlisle and I have Cancer simple as, it may just be in my breast but that's not the point, I have a high risk of dying and even if I don't losing a breast isn't high on my list of things to do" Then a thought came to me. Why not just get changed into a vampire.

Then I wouldn't die ever and the Cancer wouldn't effect me. I'd always have it but it wouldn't be able to spread.

Alice started clapping her hands and Edward just stood frozen staring at me.

"Someone fill me in now, She's gone from being severely depressed to extremely relieved"

Edward couldn't speak as I'm sure he had seen my decision in Alice's thoughts.

"She wants to become a Vampire" Alice clapped again in joy but I knew Edward wouldn't agree. This was the reason he had left me in the first place. He never wanted this.

"Wow" was all that escape his lips.

"Eh I think we should give them some alone time Alice" Jasper said as he eyed Edward frozen to the spot in my living room.

"Edward" I called but he still didn't move or look at me.

I tried again still no response.

I walked over to him and leaned my head against his chest.

"Edward tell me what your thinking please?" I asked into his chest.

"Your killing me Edward" that got his attention, shit wrong choice of words.

"Exactly Bella you just said it yourself, I am killing you"

"Edward" I groaned "Your saving me do you want me to die is that it?" I asked my tone serious.

"Of course not Bella don't be ridiculous"

"Then why aren't you happy, I'm choosing you and you don't want it" I said from my position which I had acquired moments earlier.

"I do want it Bella I want it more than anything" He had the bridge of his nose between his forefingers.

"No you don't Edward I get it, it wasn't me that had moved on it was you, Just leave" He looked at me and laughed.

"You think I moved on and that I don't want you?" He asked of me but I simply nodded not able to find words.

"Bella that's ludicrous"

"Is it?" I was back to my stubborn self.

"Yes" He tried to pull me into a hug but I moved out of his reach.

"Edward first you come back and say you want me, then I decide to become a vampire which was always inevitable you were just trying to prevent it and now you act all different because the decision has been made and you cant change it, I don't understand you anymore." It finally hit me this was what was missing between us, I didn't understand nor would I ever and so we'd never be complete again.

I couldn't fully understand why he left me and taking this long to return to me. He seemed to realize something was wrong.

"Bella what's wrong?" He attempted to comfort me. Suddenly Alice and Jasper were back in the room.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen what did you do to her?" Alice screamed.

"Nothing" I replied for him and Alice turned to look at me as I grabbed my stomach in pain. Real or Imaginary I wasn't sure.

"Then why aren't you becoming a vampire anymore and I can see your funeral in my vision Bella what have you done?"

"Time for the truth, you really want to know Alice, Edward, Jasper, I'm doing what I always should have done, I'm going back to Forks to tell Charlie and then being the person I am I shall suffer through it, no medical help, Maybe death is the best thing for me!" I smiled meekly maybe I had figured this out.

Alice collapsed into Jaspers arms, while Edward stood looking at me trying to decipher my thoughts but I turned around and continued packing.

"Jasper is Alice okay?" I asked after a moment.

"She's fine Just shocked and care to tell me what Edward is feeling right now?" I was aware he looked to Edward who nodded in response.

"Currently Edward is feeling anger, regret, grief, confused and love" I laughed and immediately covered my mouth.

"Bella what is it that you find so funny?" Jasper asked rather irritated.

"Well I just find it amusing that Edward can feel any of those things after he left me so many years ago, Love doesn't fade with time or distance I understand that but he should be happy he can finally get away from the one thing he didn't want in his life before" I spoke with conviction, I had said this so many times now I actually believed it.

"Bella you don't actually believe that do you?" Edward asked.

"Yes, your getting the one thing you always wanted, life without me in it, I love you Edward always have and always will, I keeping to the vows I never got to make, In sickness in health till death do us part" I stated.

I walked over to the wall beside him where the safe was. I opened it and pulled out my life savings there was over four hundred thousand here.

I was vaguely aware Alice was on the phone.

I took my phone out of my pocket "Hi one ticket to Port Angeles please" then the phone was scooped out of my hand "Actually we'll be needing eight tickets please" Edwards voice echoed around the room.

"Yes that is fine the number is 0231 6547 3489 and the name is Edward Cullen" He hung up then.

"Oh yes Charlie seeing you when you still look seventeen is a great idea and how much was the ticket Edward?" I asked

"I'll pay for it"

"Eh no, Alice how much was the ticket?" I asked

"150" I handed Edward the money.

"Edward what time is the flight?"

"Not until morning eleven thirty to be exact" he replied his eyes on me and the money still in his hand.

"Well I'm sure you have things to do, so I'm sleeping" I waved them off but Edward remained with me, why was he on night duty all the times I didn't want him to be.

I lay on the bed expecting sleep to consume me but it didn't, I lay awake aware Edward was watching me but he didn't speak, he just watched me from the window sill and I could see his shadow spilled across my bedroom floor surrounded by moonlight.

"Edward?" I whispered and he came over and sat on the edge of my bed.

"What did you do for five years?" I asked intrigued.

"Nothing, I thought of you everyday and only when it was really necessary did I hunt, I knew I was scaring my family but I had no reason to live without you"

"Were there others?" I asked.

"Excuse me?" He asked

"Girls Edward?"

"No Bella only you" I was aware he was staring in my eyes.

"What about you? How many?" I was mildly insulted.

"I only slept with Matthew and you were here shows how dysfunctional we are" I smiled.

"Edward I know you told me before but humour me why did you leave?"

"It was for you after what happened with Jasper, I didn't want to ruin your life or endanger you anymore than I already had clearly I didn't prevent anything."

"Thank you" I nodded and let my eyes close.

**okay so this chapter was kinda nice... lol**

**em I havent written the next chapter so it make take awhile ideas welcome.. what the reader sat goes lol (cometimes anyway)**

**well go review PLEASE**

**Jen xx**


	5. WRINKLES

**okay so this is really just a filler as I have no idea what to right. I have to apologise to JasmineSaffronCullen as I really should have sent this to you first but I feel like Im neglecting this story. Also I must apologise to EdwardCullenBoy. I would have used your idea but I was unable to understand what you had said. However if you have ideas dont be afraid to share them as they are appreciated that goes for everyone. Well this is probably the longest A/U I've ever written so on with the show and enjoy.**

CHAPTER 5

I could hear his breathing as I drifted to sleep and that was the night I once again dreamt happy memories of Edward Cullen, like our first kiss, the first time I met his family the prom all good times I'd had with Edward and it's when I realised I wouldn't let him leave me again. I couldn't inflict more pain among both of us. The fact would I be able to admit this to him and put my heart in his hands again was however a different story. He was aware I loved him there was no doubt that the five years apart would change that but that didn't mean the relationship we now shared was going to progress to anything else.

I wanted him to hold me in his arms and keep me safe and I knew that he would oblige but I didn't want him to know how much I needed him. He was my protector since I was seventeen and left me soon after my eighteen birthday and it was Jasper who had caused the mishap but I didn't blame him for leaving. I knew it was Edward that held the deciding vote but in the end He thought it was for the best and he didn't know how much it would effect me. I think that sometimes I just believe it wasn't Edwards decision to leave that he was asked to go by his family and it helps get me through but he was back and I had no intention of letting him go again.

I knew I'd have to speak with Carlisle and we were going to Forks tomorrow. I supposed I could have the conversation on the plane but it didn't really matter much. I woke up when I heard movement on the bed. I looked over to see Edward rummaging through a bag containing what looked like a shirt a tie. We were going to forks not a dinner dance, Then I realised it was to make him look older for when Charlie saw him.

"Hmm" I mumbled as my eyes adjusted to the light. I didn't like when I had to get up especially after my dreams last night. Its not that they were bad but I had suppressed them for so long. I felt Edwards eyes on me and I smiled.

"Morning" I whispered knowing he'd here me.

"Morning" He smiled as he placed the tie over his head. I got out of the bed and walked over to him. I grabbed the tie from his hands and began to tie if for him. Soon my actions caught up with me and I blushed in embarrassment but Edward found it amusing and started laughing. I immediately cringed and went to walk away but his hand caught my waist and forced me to turn and look at him.

"Really Bella, it was fine" He smiled and his eyes did that dazzling thing that I could know longer put into words. It just made my knees go week and unhinged me at the very slight of it.

"Okay" I stumbled away aware he was staring after me but I didn't care that I looked like an idiot. I could hear his quiet laughter as I stumbled away. I collapsed back into bed and just wanted the world around me to consume me. That was so embarrassing what was I thinking. I closed me eyes and began too drift until I felt his Hands on my face and my breathing automatically increased. I knew he could hear it and feel in on his skin. He leant forward and was hovering just a inch above me. I didn't know if I wanted this, was I ready for this? I was about to open my eyes to look at him but he moved away form me just before Alice came into the room.

"Bella, why aren't you dressed?" She glared at Edward as she spoke and I was at a lost to know why. Had something happened that they were refraining from telling me?

"Em I was asleep and slightly distracted" I smiled at Edward and began to make my way out of the bed for the second time.

"Well I picked out an outfit for you it's beautiful"

"Okay thanks Alice" I hopped out of the bed to retrieve the garments she now had in her hands. I walked to the bathroom slowly as gravity was still one of my main enemies. Alice had picked a short blue dress that would reach mid tight. It showed of quiet a bit of cleavage but not too much, there was a pair of pale blue denim jeans also and silver stilettos. It was gorgeous but I probably wouldn't pull it off but I didn't say that to Alice as I didn't want to hurt her feelings.

I walked out to see Alice and Edward talking to each other, well I assume it was a private conversation as they were talking so fast and so quietly I couldn't hear. I just noticed Edwards lips move every now and then. It was weird how I still felt the need to look at him all the time.

"Ahem" I cleared my throat as to get them to stop talking. I felt excluded and I didn't like it. Kind of how I felt when Edward kept stuff from me. He was supposed to have the same faith I had in him in me. I guess he would always see himself as superior.

"Told you it would be gorgeous" Alice chirped but Edward just stared and my favourite smile spread across his lips.

"Yeah Thank Alice" It was all it took for her to embrace me in a bone crushing hug. I felt my eyes popping out of my head and my breathing was decreasing until she pulled away.

"I keep forgetting your human" she whispered in my ear and pulled away and her lips moved and I wondered what she had said to Edward silently. Obviously it was something I wasn't suppose to know as he grimaced at her words.

"Get over it Edward" she smiled but he just glared at her in silence.

"So Carlisle, looking forward to going back to Forks?" I asked as we boarded our flight.

"Its been along time I'm just hoping I don't run into any of the nurses, it was bad the first time I'd rather avoid a repeat performance" I smiled I remembered hearing stories about when he had begun working in the hospital and how the nurses couldn't take there work seriously as they were distracted often by Carlisle good looks.

"Bella" I was called from my reverie moments later.

"Yes" I looked to see Carlisle staring at me.

"You okay?"

"Yeah fine just thinking, actually I was wondering if you'd discuss the Cancer with me"

"Okay but be open minded Bella I cant predict the future I can only tell you the facts."

"Okay, so tell me everything"

"The Breast cancer you have is not terminal as it hasn't spread but will if you don't allowed yourself to be treated. It is currently level one cancer but your condition is most likely to get worst with time. Your life span is hard to predict due to I don't know how far along the cancer is or whether it is entering stage two but Bella Cancer is survivable" He looked like he was going to cry which I knew was an impossibilities. He probably felt like he was losing one of his daughters. I thought of him as a father so he most likely thought of me as a daughter figure.

"It's okay Carlisle" I hadn't realised I had tears on my cheeks.

"I was wondering if I became a vampire would the cancer still effect me?" I whispered.

"Well obviously not as your body will know longer be open to change" He looked concerned and I could feel Edwards eyes on us but I hoped my face didn't give away anything well besides the tears streaks which were clearly visible on the skin of my cheeks.

"Okay" I was silent again as I felt tiredness consume me (Damn Jasper).

I opened my eyes to the familiar surroundings that was the Cullen house they occupied in Forks. It hadn't changed in the slightest and could it be possible that it was cleaner that I remember or was that just my imagination playing tricks on me.

"What time is it?"

"Eight" Edward's soothing voice answered from the left side of the room.

"Eight, you let me sleep that long , why? Charlie knows I 'm coming he'll be worried"

"Don't worried, Alice called said you'd be over first thing in the morning, he was shocked Alice was ringing at first but eventually he seemed to relax, to be honest the conversation was rather amusing" He smiled my smile again and I felt my heart accelerate. That was going to be embarrassing.

"Well, can you call Alice for me?"

"No need" she came bursting through the doors at that precise moment, looking rather happy as if she had won the lottery but she was just excited as I had decided I needed to go shopping.

Edward's face looked shocked I had never willingly gone shopping to his knowledge so this would be a first.

"Stop looking at me like that" I moaned but he couldn't tear his eyes from my face but I'm sure that way have been for other reasons.

"So Alice a few ground rules, there will be no side stops I need a few things but nothing major. Two no obsessive shopping and well that's really it" I smiled and Edward was still looking at me but this time I noticed a hint of something in his eyes but I wasn't sure if it really was sadness.

"Okay but we have to stay out until at least five" she gestured with her fingers

"Fine now leave if you want me to get dressed anytime soon" she smiled at skipped out of the room but Edward was still looking gloomy.

"Edward what's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing" but he refused to let his eyes meet mine

"Please tell me" he looked at me and took in a deep breath before he began to speak.

"I'm just wondering why you didn't ask me to go shopping with you" he eyes were smouldering and I automatically wanted to make him feel better but I didn't know should I.

"Edward I didn't ask you because I didn't think you'd like to go and as well its only for girlie stuff. I didn't think you'd be interested" I admitted sheepishly but there was another reason I just hoped he couldn't see through my lies.

"Bella I'd be interested in anything as long as it involved you, I know your lying by the way I can see it in your eyes. Please tell me why you really didn't want me to come"

"Em, its not that I didn't want you to come its just" I really was at a lost for words.

"Yes" he encouraged me.

"People might think em"

"Think what?" he asked.

"Think that I'm your older sister or your mother" I spluttered.

"Bella that's silly, you should know better"

"Should I?"

"Yes your still just as beautiful as ever" he smiled at me.

"I'm old" I whined and I swear I heard Emmett's laughter from down stairs. I immediately hid under the blankets. It wasn't long until he was beside me.

"Bella that's ludicrous, your simply twenty three"

"Yes twenty three is old I'm the same age as Carlisle and Esme" This was awful I hated the thought of being old even at seventeen I hated the thought of being older than Edward and now there was Five years between us.

"Technically Carlisle is over three hundred years but In reality I get your point Bella but you are still beautiful and nobody will call you my sister" I smile slightly as he tired to reassure me that he did not look like my brother or that I didn't look old but then it hit me. I might have wrinkles now as my age process began at seventeen.

"Edward what about WRINKLES?" I yelled time Emmett definitely laughed I could still hear it.

"Bella I can assure you, you don't have wrinkles" He leant forward as if to exam my face to be sure and I couldn't resist any longer so I let my instincts take over and I kissed him. I held his face to mine. As I let my tongue trace his once familiar lips. I let a loan moan escape and I could tell that he was holding back so I pulled away.

I didn't know what was wrong but there was a look of pain in his eyes. Before I got the chance to ask Jasper came strolling in looking rather happy. If only Edwards face mirror the image of Jaspers.

**okay I have no Idea why Edwards upset so please Ideas welcome.**

**RIVIEW as theres no way I can improve if all you say is that its great. If you dont like it say it as otherwise its unlikely to change anytime soon..**

**Love you **

**jen xxx**


	6. Way to go

**Okay so this is really short and is just a filler as I havent updated in forever and probably wont be updating again for another while due to Orals and revision courses that will be taking place over the next two weeks.. Anyway I am in dire need of Ideas for this story as i currently have NONE. so if you want me to go somewhere with this story please please say it... Just cause Im writing it doesnt mean your input isnt necessary..**

CHAPTER 6

He was still staring at me I kissed him and he was looking at me has if I had three heads. Jasper slowly backed out of the room as Edward didn't attempt to talk to him or move away form me. I was certain more than five minutes had past and the silence was growing uncomfortable. If something was wrong couldn't he just say it.

"Alice" I mumbled, rejection consuming me.

"Bella" she called as she walked through the doors taking in Edward's and mine current position .

"Can you help me or just stare at me like Edward?" I asked sharply and yet he didn't move. I mean seriously what was his problem? Its not like he didn't see it coming. Why did he come to find me and constantly call me beautiful if he didn't want me? Was he trying to drive me insane? Mixed Signals that was my final conclusion, well two could play at this game. I knew it was immature of me but in all technicalities he was the one who came and found me told me he loved me and then I kiss him and nothing.

"Oh yeah sure" Alice looked shocked as she kept looking between me and Edward who yes you guess it still couldn't find it in him to move. Alice tried to remove him from a top of me but it was impossible he was just too big.

"Emmett" She called after her third and what seem to be her final attempt. He came in a moment later.

"Why did you want me to see this?" He asked shielding his eyes like we were having sex before him.

"Shut up he's stuck"

"I wonder why" He sneered

"Emmett that was so inappropriate, if you hadn't noticed we are fully clothed"

"I guess" He walked over to Edward and with what seem to be little Effort he lifted Edward right off me allowing me to get up and leave this house and vent about Edward and his inability to kiss me anymore. I got up and walked out unaware of Alice following me. It wasn't until I reached outside that I recognised her presence.

"Bella you alright?"

"Fine" I replied lamely I wasn't in the mood for discussion especially when I was aware Edward could still here me not that I cared anymore. If he could just ignore me kissing him then why couldn't he deal with what I had to say and how rejected I was feeling. I was human I had feelings he might not be the same but he ha hurt me before why did he feel it appropriate to do it again.

E.P.O.V

She kissed me I was ecstatic, elated, neither of these words compared to the happiness I was feeling. I was consumed by it unable to move. I just wanted to be with her in an unbreakable bubble that would never be destroyed I loved her so much that I pulled away from our kiss to enjoy the sight that was Bella Swan..

I felt her trying to get up but I couldn't let her. I just wanted to be with her and have time stand still.

I was aware when she called Alice but I still couldn't move and I wouldn't let her move me either. Five years we had been apart no one was going to wreck our reunion or so I thought until Emmett gave through the door and removed me easily ..

There was also the fear that one day she would remove me herself. I was so opposed to the idea of her becoming a vampire it had torn me away from her once before.. Would I let it again? I loved Bella. I knew I did but could I really take her life away from her and keep her for myself for the rest of Eternity. Was I really that selfish??

If I loved her how could I possibly want the life I loathed for her as well?? It wasn't long after that I heard Alice ask her was she okay. Her response of fine led me to believe otherwise. Something was wrong and I was at a lost to know what it was.. Although that wasn't for long..

"He doesn't love me" she said between choked sobs. "I kissed him and he just stared at me" the sobs I could hear were threatening to consume her and I was more than aware to the fact that she was most definitely crying.

I walked from my room trying to keep my cool without alerting anyone to the fact that Bella was hurt as she feared I rejected her in my bedroom which happened to make matters worst.

I was on my way outside when I saw her drive past in Alice's Porsche. " Don't follow me" she screamed out the window and I knew I should follow her wishes. She tried to let me in and I make it worst and push her away. Way to go Edward…

**as I said this is very short and total rubbish as it was written very quickily due to me being very behind and taking a break from learing German for my Oral thrusday...**

**AGAIN IDEAS WELCOME **

**PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!**

**Love you Jen..**

**Oh also this probably wont be updated until the 11th or 12th of April but bare in mind that really is only two weeks away....so please be patient. Jenn**


	7. Victoria

**okay so this is a really short chapter as I said I wasnt going to update for the next two weeks ans this is really just a taster of whats to come. If you dont like it say so and I will delete this and rethink my idea anyway enjoy..**

Ugh I hated him, I mean I seriously hated him. I had opened up an given him the chance to be let in and what does he do freaks out like I'm that weak insignificant little Bella he'd once known but I'd show him.

At this point you think he'd just tell me I had better chances of being with Jasper than being with him. Realistically I kinda understood where he was coming from. Why have a human when he could have a beautiful immortal vampire like Tanya whom I'd heard so much about. But I offered him the chance to make me a vampire and what does he do turns it down which means one thing he really doesn't love me like he claimed too.

I arrived at Charlie's quicker than expected now I was driving Alice's Porsche. I'd really have to get one of those once I had the money maybe in a bubblegum pink.. The thought lingered in my head for awhile before I got out of the car and approached the doorstep. I really should have called. I knocked once and the door opened. The smell of blood hit me Oh god I knew this wasn't good. Charlie I screamed. No answer. I walked into the kitchen and there she was Victoria my father cowering under her. He was still alive and looking at me as if I should run and leave him suffer at her hands but I had no intention of doing so.

"Bella, darling how have you been??"

"Fine, yourself? Let my father leave would you?"

"Oh of course"

"Charlie, if your wise you'll run and don't stop to speak to anyone and I'll let you live" She helped Charlie to his feet and he looked to me and back at her.

"Dad, I'll be fine, Were old friends" I reassured him but he looked at me as if I was crazy and losing my

sanity.

"Yes Charlie do like Bella tells you and you'll be alright"

"Please" I begged and he left giving me one last look before making his escape out the back door. I knew it wouldn't be long until he had Forks entire police force here but that wouldn't do much to Victoria.

"So things not so great with your darling Edward?"

"I'm sure your more than well aware of the current situation, may I ask what brought you hear?"

"you did darling you see, I've been waiting for you for some time now. I knew you'd come back here some day I just didn't know when and you see I'm still hurting and now so will he" she lunged forward and bit my arm just as the door broke in around me.

"I'll kill her" I heard Edward growl. I heard a few snarls and I was once again bitten by a differ set of teeth except these ones refused to let go.

"Edward stop son, you love her, her faith is decided do you really want to be the one to kill her?"

**so yes this is rediculously (wrong spelling) short and anybody who guesses who Bella falls for once she becomes a Vampire will be mention in the beginning of the next chapter although who it is will not be revealed in the next chapter.. be warned it's not as obvious as it seems so guess away hehe...**

**well what you think??**

**too much too quickily perhaps??**

**Jen!!!**

**xxx**

**please review**

**PUSH THE BUTTON lol**


	8. volturi

**okay so my internet came back whoo. so thanks for all the great reviews. I still think people are growing tired of this story so if you are say it and I will discontinue it. . **

E.P.O.V

I couldn't kill her, the one person I loved and truly cared her. So I ripped my teeth from her skin and did the only thing I couldn't possibly do, I ran away..

I was never going to come back. Bella didn't need someone like me in her life. I was a monster. Nothing more than a viscous monster.

If I could have I would have been crying. I knew no-one would come after me at least not for awhile as Bella would be going through her transformation. I knew I was weak but I couldn't face her after I ha bit her. I knew one day she'd become a vampire but I didn't think that day would come so soon. . I also didn't know that when she was bitten and her blood was released to me I would turn into something or someone I never wished to be.

I didn't no what to do but the safest option was to stay as far away from Bella and my family as possible. I knew I wouldn't be able to stay in one place for long as Alice would come find me. Volterra it was the one place I would be able to stay for the rest of eternity. With this in mind I made my way to Italy hoping that Aro would take me up on my offer of becoming part of the guard. .

I was in Italy in two days and I was more than aware than Bella's transformation would be nearly be complete. I put on the hooded cloak and made my way into the Volturi Castle. Only to be greeted by Jane and Alec.

"Edward I would say I'm pleased to see you again but you would know that I would be lying" Jane said in the most annoying voice ever.

"Well thanks for be honest, Aro hear"

"Of course where else would he be?"

"Don't be irritating Jane" Alec smiled at me and proceed to make his way forward..

"I'll take you to Aro Edward" he made his way through the halls and I followed quickly behind him Jane flanking me.

"Could you wait here, Gianna shall take care of you" I looked towards a girl behind the reception automatically knowing she was human.

"Of course" I took a seat on the benched that lined the corridor.

"Edward they will see you now"

"Thank you Gianna"

I knew it wouldn't be hard for them to let me in. they had wanted me in the guard for years but I always had a reason to refrain from Joining now that reason was gone and I had nothing left living for.

"Edward Cullen what brings you hear today?"

"Well I was wondering of you still needed my assistance in the guard?" A smile lingered around Aro's lips as he thought about my offer.

Just then the door to the room was kicked in and in walked my family along with Bella.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, you will not be joining the Volturi not now not ever" Bella spoke. I could tell Jane was about to attack her and there was nothing I could do to protect her.

However her attack did not effect her. Nor did Alec's. Aro's face showed nothing more than confusion. I could see Felix take his stance and then he leap at her but Bella quickly moved out of the way. I was wondering what was going on and I looked to her and for the first time in my life I heard her thoughts.

_Edward it's okay get behind me and I'll keep you safe. _

Only now had I realised that my whole family hadn't made a move towards me but remained behind Bella.

_Edward, its okay Bella's more powerful that the entire Volturi combined. . We think she may be the princess that our kind have been waiting for but her powers have been with her since she awoken in her new birth. _

I shook my head and walked to my family where I was greeted by many hugs but Bella didn't look at me as I retreated past her.

"Bella, I believe you are something rare, something that would be most befitting of the guard. Would you care to join us?" Aro asked as both his family members nodded in approval.

"Aro it's lovely of you to offer but as for right now I'm happy where I am but if that changes in the near future I will more than likely consider your offer" She smiled and he smiled in response.

"If you don't mind now we'll be leaving as we are more than aware that you have lunch waiting" we turned to leave but Bella remained behind us as to protect in case it was needed. . As soon as we were out of the castle I pulled her into my embrace and kissed her passionately_._

**_okay so that happened fairly quickly but I happen to have two Ideas floating around in my head.. _**

**_which are. . . ._**

**_As you know Bella is now the princess of the vampiring world so I was thinking that _**

**_A) ... Bella and the cullens decide its high time to take down the Volturi leaving Bella to rule over the Vampiring world with Edward by her side along with The rest of the cullens._**

**_ OR_**

**_B)... Edward and Alice are kidnapped by the Volturi and the only way of getting them back is to have Bella join the guard although only the Cullens know she is more powerful that the entire guard combine so as a result she becomes a member of the guard but is secretly undercover for the cullens as they come up with a plan to take them down that is until shes send to interogate the cullens and she learns some secrets about there past..._**

**_Okay so the first idea is very vague and you can see that they are very simular but as I said there only ideas.. so which is prefered... I wont be updating this until I have a difinite answer so if yo want me to update YOU NEED TO REVIEW AND GIVE YOU OPINION.._**

**_Okay so I think this is longer than the actual chapter.. . So please please REVIEW as otherwise I will not know what you want..._**

**_Jen xxx_**


	9. silent heart

**hey guys. I have no idea where I was going with this chapter as i stopped half way through and just got back to it there..anyway wel leave it be a filler.. but theres a point to why Bella likes Jasper you just have to wait to find out why its important**

Bella P.O.V

Returning from volterra I noticed my eyes kept landing on Jasper. The way he smiled at me took my breath away. This couldn't be happening. I loved Edward I would always love Edward but why did Jasper suddenly have this effect on me?.

_Bella relax your not going to do anything… _

I looked to Alice who was smiling in response.. She took Jaspers hand in her and kissed his left hand where is wedding band should be and I wanted that to me. Oh gosh.. I couldn't hurt Edward he was my everything. For five years of my life I had always wanted him to come and now that he had, I was crushing on his brother. What was wrong with me??

_Bella love you okay?.._

_I looked into his eyes and I could see that he was worried.. _

"_I'm fine Edward, just thinking" I reassured him as best I could but I could see in his eyes that he knew I was lying. I turned my face away from him and to my surprise they landed on Rosalie who looked like she would rip my head of at that precise moment.. I decided I listen to Jaspers thoughts for awhile. What he didn't know wouldn't hurt him. The upside was Edward couldn't read my thoughts unless I let him.. What shocked me was what Jasper was thinking.. Being subtle I quickly pulled down the hem of my dress. He has a wife. He shouldn't be thinking that especially when Edward was so close.. _

_Before I could do anything A growl escaped Edwards mouth.. _

"_Jasper what the hell?" He managed to get out between his teeth.._

"_Eh Edward I can explain, I think" I replied shyly, Edward glanced from me to Jasper before releasing the breath he had held in._

"_Well explain" _

"_I think that because Jasper was the first person I saw after my new birth that my feelings for him have intensified, but you know I love you so there's no need to worry" I reassured him and saw a smile flit around the corners of his lips._

"_What are you smiling about?" I asked_

"_Oh Im just relieved you don't hate me after I turned you into a vampire, which I'm so sorry about"_

"_Don't be, this way I get to spend the rest of eternity with you" I smiled and leant forward but before my lips touch his he pulled back and looked at Jasper._

"_If I catch you thinking about Bella again, Il hurt you jasper" He hissed and then bent forwards and kissed me sending a shock to my now silent heart._


End file.
